Walk of Shame.

I finally saw the contact sheets (you can call it “the magic of Film Cameras”) and I have to say that they’re pretty cool. Not (only) because I’m on them, of course, but because it’s the first time I make a photo shoot on film. That’s the ‘thing’ with all those digital cameras, they don’t have the ‘thing’ (this sentence is stupid). Of course, as a Photoshop addict, I love digital pictures, but sometimes it’s cool to do it the old-fashioned way.
I might be moving to L.A in the next couple of weeks. It’s scary. I have no money, and that will be a way to make some, but I’m sure that living in L.A will make me spend more than I can imagine. Anyway that’s the topic of this article : the change of life.
I don’t understand people who are satisfied with their lives the way they are. I’m talking about most people. When I was in high-school, it was like : “I can’t picture myself moving from here, we have everything, it’s the best city in the whole world”. Huh ? Sorry ? Did you fall on your head or something ? Another thing : “My dreams ? Having a baby and a family, that’s all I need.” When I heard things like that I felt like I wasn’t normal. Living in the same little town your whole life while the world is so big and full of things to discover, it makes me sick just thinking about it. I know, you have to understand everyone’s dreams, blah blah, but fuck it, people are dumb. I can understand that having a child might be something you really want, but having it as your most important goal, please, we’re not in the Middle Ages anymore. I hate people with no ambition. I’m sorry but it’s who I am. We only have one life, and yet so many things to live, why would you want to live just one exciting thing ? (And forgive me but having something that cries, yells, and will end up hating you until it leaves the house, I’m not sure that’s the best thing that could ever happen to someone). I don’t know if it’s only with French people or if it’s the same everywhere, but this is one big problem here.
And the city thing : it is so pretentious. I mean, how can you say that you live in the best city ever when you haven’t left it for another one ? It’s definitely so stupid. That’s something I hate about people, the way they think that they’re the best because they live here, or because the soccer team of the city is n°1. If they were born 300 miles from there, they would support another team. Why do they always have to be so pretentious ? I really hate chauvinism. Everyone is proud to say that we’re all the same, but they’re like : “okay, as long as you admit that we are a little bit better than you”. Idiots.
I think it’s the same in a lot of country. Probably most of the world countries. I wonder why ? Why is it so difficult to admit that you might not live in the best city of the world, or that you might not have the finest food of the world, or I don’t know what else ?
I plan to live in at least 4 cities of the world : Paris, London, New York and Los Angeles. Yes, I know, those are the cities every superficial person would say. I didn’t say I wasn’t superficial. I’d also like to live in China, in Spain, and in Japan. I don’t know why, but that’s what I want. And life would be so much better if everyone could live wherever they want. I mean, we would all have so many things to share. But no, people want to stay where they are, because for them nothing else exists. It seems like people live as they were sure they’ll have 100 lives, and they will have time to discover the rest of the world in another one, so why would they bother trying to do such thing now, huh ?

I hope I’ll find a job that will allow me to live my life the way I want it to be. If I live in L.A, I would have at least fulfilled one of my dreams. And, if I can’t, I’ll stay here, in the best city in the world, and I’ll have children. Yep.

The Banker Syndrome.

Well, finally I did 2 photo shoots. One at night yesterday, and another one today. It was fun. It was for a friend who’s becoming a photogra- pher. Or at least trying, because in that kind of job you never know. When my parents learned I wanted to work in the Cinema business, I thought they were gonna die in front of me. They tried everything to make me change my mind : “Are you sure you don’t want to become a banker ?” Well, no thanks. Like being a banker is the only job available in the world. Become a banker, or don’t become anything. Is it how it really works ? What is it with bankers ? Why do they reassure people ? Because they’re near lots and lots of money all day long ? Usually, people don’t like bankers, because they always come with bad news, but it’s like parents think if you become one of them, you will never have money problems. How silly is that ? We could call it the « banker syndrome ». I think I just discovered a new disease. Maybe I should become a doctor.
My point is : the only things I can do are useless for every « normal » job. I don’t write that bad, I have imagination, humor, I’m kinda smart, in my own way obviously. What do you do with that ?
It’s funny how artistic jobs scare parents. I mean, what ’s the point of choosing a job you don’t even like ? Spending the rest of your life wondering if you could have realized your dreams ? So many people are in that case, I don’t want to become one of them. And if I fail, at least I won’t have any regrets. Huh Huh.
And the thing that scares parents even more than the choice of you future job, is the choice of your studies. I’m thinking about this friend, who wants to be a photographer. Spending thousands of euros/dollars/whatever, in a school – and you don’t even know if it’ll lead you to a real job -,  I understand how scary it might seem.
And when you’re like me, and decide that studies won’t help you, because the job you want to do isn’t about theory, then the only thing you can expect from your folks is a heart attack. Afterwards, all you can do is hope (and pray, if you believe in prayers) to prove them that you weren’t wrong. And ten years later, if you’re still at the same point, then at least you’ll know what to do, when your children will tell you they want to become actors, or photographers, or filmmakers : all you’ll need will be to lock them up in their rooms and force them to become bankers.

The picture you can see isn’t exactly one of the shoot. It’s been taken with my own camera, which is not a reflex (I don’t know if you say it that way in english), and I’ll have the real ones later.

The Gentleman in the Office.

It’s funny how life always reminds you how pathetic you are. Yesterday I received a letter : I owe 3.000 euros to my country. Fabulous. I don’t believe in God, but what I know, is that everything happens when you don’t want it to happen. Right now, I’m broke, waiting to move to another country, with no real job, only this site. I have at least one bad news per week. It’s like, fate has decided that I needed to be busy all the times, but not with good stuff. I wonder : am I the only one like that or is it the same for everyone ?

I really need to get a job, even if it’s for a few weeks.

Have you noticed how bad news always come when you don’t need them ? There must be some people in some kind of office, and in the morning they decide who’s gonna be in deep shit today : “Well, no, no, no, he’s starting to be happy and it’s not good for us, okay so  what do we got ? Hum, let’s make him lose all his money, yeah, I think that’s what he needs”. Well thank you Sir !

I can’t help but wonder if good news always come with bad ones. Maybe that’s how it is supposed to be. I don’t want to complain, but this year has been awful. And maybe the next one will be better. Maybe everything is about compensation. Be happy today, and then cry tomorrow. How can we manage to have a good life if we know that something wrong is going to happen eventually ? Because, even if we try to live the healthiest, more peaceful life that we can, we know that it won’t last, the gentleman in the Office will always find your file and remind you that you’re his property. So the best we can do is enjoy the time we have without problems and solve the ones we have, because we have no choice and no matter what you do, you will always receive letters telling you that you owe money, or that that you’re an asshole, or that you have a disease or I don’t know what else. How great is that huh ?

Anyway, tonight I have a photo shoot that I’m really gonna enjoy. At least that makes me smile.

Ouch, I’m fat.

What is wrong with us that we always want to look like people in the magazines ? I mean, difference is supposed to be something we are always looking for, so we can feel good about ourselves, so we can feel like no one is like us, like we are special. But when it comes to the way we look, it’s different. Guys want 6-pack abs the size of a building, girls want to be able to hide behind a pen, it doesn’t make any sence. Why are we always looking to have a better body, when most people don’t even care about their brains and what they can contain ?
I mean it’s true. We keep complaining : “I’m too fat”, “I’m too small”, “my ass looks like a pizza”. But do you often hear : “my brain is so empty I could use it as a drawer”, or “I don’t care what I look like, at least I know what ??? means”. Well, okay, I know, we can hear the last one. But when we hear that kind of phrase, we often think : “here is one really frustrated guy who has found himself a really pathetic excuse”. I wonder : is it real ? Can it be a good excuse ? If you are really smart, do you need to look good ? I wonder if we all look the same, with perfect body, what would we look for ? Would we want to be smarter ? Or funnier ? Or better at work ? I can’t help but wondering if we had the looks, would we find something else to complain about ?
We all know that the human race is always complaining about something. That’s how we work. We are never satisfied, we always want something more, something better etc. But having a better body, or a prettier face, is one of the biggest thing that we are looking for. And if you don’t believe me, look at the bank accounts of plastic surgeons.
But aren’t we forgetting the most essential thing : who we are inside. It may seem ridiculous, but would you want to live with someone looking like a model and who answers all your questions with a single word : “hmm”. I wouldn’t want that for myself. On the other hand, having in my bed someone who disgusts me would be awful. How can we have both : someone smart and good-looking ? Do we have to choose between smartness and beauty ?
I think that is why a lot of people think fashion is something really important. I’m one of them. If, like me, you are not built like a Calvin Klein model, you can always feel good about yourself wearing clothes that make you prettier, more confident and then, all you have to do is use your brain.

Picture : Kai Z Feng